i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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