you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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