idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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