you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
