1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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