That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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