i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
