My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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