My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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