I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
