so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
