Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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