Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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