If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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