Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My vagina is officially offended.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
