Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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