I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
