yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
