She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The feeling are messing with the penis
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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