I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
