marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
