Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
