So drunk its hurt
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
