Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize