there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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