1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
