we're chasing vodka with high fives
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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