Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
