never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
