Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
