My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Where is the hickey?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize