he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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