Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
