is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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