k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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