Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
