I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize