I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
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