Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
