The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
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