The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
