If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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