So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
