You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
