My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
