drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
