Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
