god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
