i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
