I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
