Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
