the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize