Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
