I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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