Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize