Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
