and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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