Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
