I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize