i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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