Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
