After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
