Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize