i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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