i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize