i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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