It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
