Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
how does that bad decision feel?
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