Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
