Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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