What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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