you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
