Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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