4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
