Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
