The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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