then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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