i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
please come you make the beer taste better
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
