mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
