Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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