Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
