plz talk dirty to me
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
