you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Randomize
