you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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