he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
