i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize