Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
