Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
