just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize