My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
