I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
