after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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