I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
