Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He kissed a someone with a penis
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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