operation have a gay friend backfired
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
