ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
