do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
