she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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