there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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