Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
